January 05, 2010 - Well here it is, another year gone by, and I still have not improved on my blogging. This year is going to be so much better. I have no intentions of loosing weight or working out, just the thought of it makes me hungry and very tired. I plan to wear lots of make-up, and Spanx to make me look two dress sizes smaller. Ladies be careful with these hose, they are difficult to get into and are dangerous. I wore a pair last night and while driving my fat gut popped out over the waist, causing them to roll down to the top of my legs, making a turniket and cutting the blood off to my legs. The EMT's said if they had not gotten to me when they did I would have lost both of my legs. Oprah can kiss my ass when it comes to these things.
Well I don't do well with husbands, but I got a puppy that I am absolutely nuts about. She is a French Bulldog, but barks in English. She is the best. I do wonder what law of physics pertains to a dog weighing 8lbs, pooping 6lbs, and still weighing 8lbs. How is that possible?
I hope all of you had a great holiday season and the New Year will be good to all of us.
Hey I may have some mispelled words, I had a professor that said this was a sign of genius or idiot. You decide.
January 21, 2009 - I am one of those comics that never blogs. I'm going to try and get better at this blogging thing, so this blog is dedicated to the guys that just don't understand women.
Guys are you really trying to understand that woman in your life...let it go. It will never happen. This should be an example that clears up all your bewilderment.
I once dated a man for about a year. He just quit calling, I did not hear from him for at least 8 months, then out of the clear blue I called him and told him to "never call me again".
That's one of many examples. There you have it.
June 04, 2008 - This blog is to remind my fans to keep up with my calendar. There have been some changes and additions made, and I want to make sure all come out to see me.
My fans are the best. I was just in Huntington, WV and the nicest lady made me a leopard print dinosaur with a tramp necklace and gold hairbow. How neat is that. When I was there before she made me a handmade scarf.
I'm one of the most fortunate women I know.
Thanks so much to all my fans, and please know that I truly appreciate your support. Thank you, thank you , thank you.
June 04, 2008 - Did you see the Oprah show where her guest was the world famous Barbara Walters. Turns out Barbara had an affair with a married man in the seventies, and the gentleman was African American. I personally love a good whore, but I hate a liar.
Oprah asked Barbara what attracted to her to this man, and I was on the edge of my seat waiting to hear her say, he was her Mandingo Man, and she rode him like the Black Stallion that he was, and you could hear her squeeling like a pig for miles when she was riding him, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, she says she was attracted to his kind smile. Bullshit. Just when I was beginning to like her she turns out to be a damn liar. Oh well.
June 04, 2008 - I so want to be politically correct and green, but these gas prices are killing all of us. I have thought about it, and have decided that we must drill in Alasks, and I have reached the point that if the protected polar bears have any oil in their balls, then they must loose their balls.
Here's another news flash if I'm paying 4.00 for a gallon of gas, then make sure the bathrooms have some toilet paper, soap and paper towels. Is that too much to ask for? It stands to reason that we need toilet paper as these rising prices are scaring the shit out of all of us.
March 25, 2008 - Wouldn't you think the name, The Tennessee Tramp would automatically make parents think that just maybe my show is not geared for children?
Well, guess what...a couple in Florida chose to have their 13 yr old watch my show. When I explained to them, I am a blue comic, with extremely adult material, they told me their child had seen it all.
I started my show by pulling out a butt plug out of my party purse, turns out, he had not seen that and they decided to have him leave.
It is not my fault if I explain that my show is for adults only. Don't come crying to me when the Dept. of Children's Services tries to take your child, because you don't want to get a baby sitter.
What happened to responsible parenting???
January 22, 2008 - What is up with those really goofy drivers in the fast lane? They drive 5miles over the speed limit with cars itching to pass them. Don't they know they need to move over into the righ-hand lane?
Yes, we do know or at least I know I need to move over. I don't know why I do what I do. At this point I am not driving with the belt of my coat hanging out the door, but I feel it coming.
I am really working hard on getting in the proper lane, I need the love from my fellow drivers not their hand gestures.
My greatest fear is that I am so left-wing, that I am afraid that the right lane may lead to me becoming a zealot christian, one who hates gays, and one that is always praying over everything, and asking folks to send them money.
Ok I'm going to change lanes, but if I see any of these changes happening, you are just going to have to pass me at your own risk.
January 13, 2008 - Hey I have a wonderful bestfriend that is helping me get current with my website. She's constantly telling me to up date my blogs and schedule, and she is so right.
I listen to her and make lots of promises for the next day, but I can't get 12-13 hrs sleep, watch trash tv and eat 5-6 snacks and 3 meals and get everything done. It's like dieting and exercise. I am always ready to diet just after I have completed a huge meal, and I swear tomorrow I am going to walk 30min a day. Well, hell it just does not happen, but here it is today, and this blog is about Valerie.
I am not writing any more about her, because I want to get a couple of more blogs in before my ADD kicks in.
January 13, 2008 - I have a confession. I love the trash tv on Bravo. One of my favorite shows is, "Housewives of Orange County". Shouldn't that show be called, "Married Whores That Live in Orange Co with their fucked up kids?"
I love these women, they are all very successful business women with very large breast implants. I'm guessing their is more silicone on that one show than six others combined. Don't get me wrong I am totally in favor of women getting implants, I just wish men could get the same type of penal implants. Let's face it the guys know what they are taking home, those boobs really stick out, we don't know a damn thing until it is too late..those shorts have to be removed before we know what is in store for us. I'm just saying, "is there anything we can do to kind of level the playing field?"
I for one would not pretend to be anything other than a whore if I had boobs like those women. As a matter of fact I once thought I was a slut, but realized I was just acting like a man.
That's the end of this blog. I don't think it's going to lead to world peace, but those boobs do lead to at least "Piece"
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